I received some pretty devastating news last month. Nothing book related, and nothing I would want to share openly with the world, but life changing all the same.
Of course I’ve cried. I probably cried at least five days worth of hours over the past month. I would slide into normal behavior then Wham! Something would remind me and my heart would break all over again.
This experience has changed me in a way. I’ve felt extreme sorrow before, but never, I don’t think, on this level. It’s also effected my work, my home, my immediate family… Pretty much everything even though I tried not to let it.
So, my question is this, how do you deal with life’s disappointments? I never thought this before, but I’m of the opinion now that even those people who’s lives are perfect on the outside will, at some point, if they haven’t already, be extremely disappointed. And those of us who get it on a regular basis will continue to be disappointed.
How do you cope?
I have four darling children, and as much as I would love to curl up in my bed with a cup of tea and my “to read” stack, I can’t really do that. What I’ve done instead is start 15 projects at once; that new book I’ve been meaning to write, a mural, routine paint touchups around the house, training for a couple of races, rewrites on my current novel, more query letters, an online lit mag project…. I’ll stop before you decide I’m crazier than I actually am. I have carefully selected a few good friends to confide in and I’ve seen a counselor. I started a journal. A real pen and paper journal for when I’m not too busy to think.
I’ve also committed myself to visit the beach at least once a week, weather permitting, which it hasn’t! Grrr. And I’ve been baking a lot of cookies. Aren’t cookies just the perfect comfort food? Yes, this means my diet is on hold for the time being, but that’s ok.
I’ve forgiven myself.
For the dumb things I should have seen but didn’t, for needing some time, for falling apart a bit.
I’m not sure where this road will lead me, but I’m seeing things I never would have seen otherwise. Even through my tears, I’m seeing things more clearly now. Which I hope, someday, might make me a better writer, mother, spouse and human being.
So, really, how do you cope?
